Background & Context
For those of you college basketball diehards trapped under a rock for the past 24 hours, last night marked the opening chapter of the 2016 Duke/UNC matchup. While most of you probably have no dog in this fight, a portion of the country lives and dies twice a year with the outcome of this game. Therefore, I felt it necessary to pull back the curtain and show the masses what it's like to be irrationally devoted to one side of this rivalry. The following is a [biased] transcript between two Duke faithful, detailing the events that transpired last night at the Dean Dome.
To give some quick background, I am a 25 year old Indiana alumni, but lifelong Duke fan. For those of you outraged by that discrepancy, the picture below is concrete evidence that I was brainwashed at a young age, with no hope of ever becoming attached to another program (thanks dad!):
While I may have been called a douche a few times over the years for a multitude of reasons, being a devoted Devil supporter is probably my most douche-y quality. An example of me in my finest form was at the 2010 Final Four in Indy. My family and I were grabbing a late lunch on Saturday, prior to the semifinal games. As we paid and proceeded to leave, I couldn't help but notice a 6'6 guy on the other side of the restaurant sitting at the head of his [extremely loud & obnoxious] table. I knew I recognized him, but I couldn't for the life of me think of who it was...
But when I noticed he was proudly wearing a glaringly barbaric "Affliction" t-shirt, all bets were officially off. Yup, you know exactly who I'm talking about... Greivis Vasquez....
Naturally, I invaded his family's meal and demanded a picture immediately. This was taken directly before I punched him in the nuts:
The point of that tale is that I love Duke and hate those who hate Duke. Greivis Vasquez epitomizes that second group of people.
So now that all UNC fans have officially stopped reading (though I'm not sure why they would be reading in the first place), lets get on to the transcript. Below is a timestamped dialogue between myself & Mitchell Harrison throughout the two glorious hours of last night's showdown. Like myself, Mitch is an IU alum, but a devoted Devil.
Full Game Transcript
8:04 P.M: I am running late from a rec basketball game that started at 7. My squad picked up its first loss of the year, dropping to 2nd place in the Chicago Sports Social recreational division. After cutting it to 1 with 5 minutes to go, we surrendered a casual 19-2 run to close out the game (yikes).
Mitch obviously kicks off our chatter with a gambling-related comment. In hindsight, his top 3 concerns are also laughably on-point. You can also notice the pre-game confidence just oozing out of us:
Mitch Harrison
word is that the inflow pushed the line to 8.5
Matt Cox
Good, more value for me now
Mitch Harrison
My number 1 concern is foul trouble
Number 2 is rebounding
Number 3 is a lazy ass zone
Matt Cox
Number 4 are those unc warmups
You think we open zone ?
Mitch Harrison
I really don't know
Mitch Harrison
I can't imagine K wants to see B in the post vs brice
Matt Cox
I'd like a little 1-3-1 out of the gate
Mitch Harrison
Need Marshall's brain to be on in a big way out of the gate
my expectations are low
making that clear before tip
Full Disclosure: I did not wager on this game :(
8:13 P.M: Brice Johnson now has 3 tip-slams in the first 6 minutes of play. Our defensive rebounding nightmares have officially become a reality. I blame Brandon Ingram early. You'll see 20 and 10 in his box score, but 99% of that production came in the second half...
Matt Cox
brandon snoozing in the biggest game of the year
brandon, please engage one time on the glass
Mitch Harrison
we can't block out both brice and justin
our guards aren't used to defending anyone that active on the glass
Matt Cox
yup, brice is gonna get his ... we cant let jackson eat us on the o glass too
f*** you brice
B again! watching!
got lucky on that board
8:24 P.M: Two subplots begin to emerge, both of which completely negate each other throughout the course of the game >>> 1) Luke Kennard cooks 2) Derryck Thornton doesn't
We also go on a mini-tangent comparing Luke to Grayson Allen. Most of you will find this erroneous...
Matt Cox
im already annoyed with derryck
Mitch Harrison
yeah he just doesn't know how to avoid the block
Matt Cox
pretty luke
Mitch Harrison
eat luke
Matt Cox
cool hand luke
Mitch Harrison
his ceiling is arguably higher than grayson as a scorer
is that too bold?
Matt Cox
yes ... not absurdly bold though
HOT HAND LUKE
Mitch Harrison
I think it's the footwork and shot fake utilization that convince me
grayson is just head down and get it
luke has like 5 countermoves in his pocket already
Matt Cox
yea yea fair ... plus i think hel eventually be an elite catch and shoot off-screen guy, where gray is more of a spot shooter
Mitch Harrison
yep. luke will never catch gray on rim finishes or dunks... but off screens and using dribble counters he can be scary
I hope we see him in the JJ role at some point
also back to this game... I'm okay with Luke over matt all game long
8:35 P.M: Playing Luke over Matt soon becomes a trivial decision, after Matt throws up a 12-foot running hook over Brice Johnson (shockingly, it did not go in), and rolls his ankle in the process...
Mitch Harrison
really matt?
Matt Cox
matt stop
Mitch Harrison
f***.
Matt Cox
yikes
holy yikes
soooo if matt is done ...
Mitch Harrison
twitter says ankle
we're done
we have 3 guards
Matt Cox
a little obi at 3?
luke gonna play the last 30?
amile bring his kicks?
mother f***
Mitch Harrison
yeah luke/derryck/gray have to go for the last 30
Mitch Harrison
there's not a single other body
only way to rest is to go big with marsh/chase/B
yeah he's done
officially team #redshirtamile
8:38 P.M: Luke Skywalker distracts us from the reality that 5 competent players will be playing the rest of the way. No idea at this point how Duke is within 20 ...
Mitch Harrison
carry us Luke
Matt Cox
luke, just get 40
Mitch Harrison
you all we got
Matt Cox
literally
Matt Cox
were down 1 right now btw
Mitch Harrison
yeah shhh
Matt Cox
semi-laughable
Matt Cox
this reminds me of the rivers game from 2012
8:55 P.M: The first half winds down, and Duke has an IDEAL opportunity for a 2 for 1 in the final minute. The 2 for 1 phenomenon deserves its own analysis, but its disappearance from college basketball is inexplicable ...
Matt Cox
2 for 1!
go!
now!
Matt Cox
too late now
hey B f***ing finish man
Mitch Harrison
ha
2 for 1
Matt Cox
was it banned by the ncaa?
It's a miracle the Devils are only down 4 at the break...
9:15 P.M: The 2nd half begins and Ingram trots out noticeably sluggish. In hindsight, playing all 20 minutes in the first half may have been a factor. He misses on 2 straight possessions and turns it over on the third. Danger zone approaches...
Matt Cox
brandon smoke at half?
he is so slow right now
were overforcing that iso
need to mix it up a little ... or B needs to look to kick
Mitch Harrison
he's back to thinking instead of playing
looks like UK version B
Mitch Harrison
any time you want to join us B
Matt Cox
danger zone ... good TO K
9:23 P.M: Anddddd the Derryck Thornton slander settles in nicely about 8 minutes into the 2nd half...
Mitch Harrison
DERRYCK
F***
YOU
Matt Cox
derryck has been awful
Mitch Harrison
literaly just asks to be blocked
Matt Cox
no worries, roy wastin his best perimeter defender on him
f*** off derryck
provide any sort of value
Mitch Harrison
derryck such an offensive weak link
9:27 P.M: Mitch points out an absurd stat, that I doubt any other college team can top this year (I encourage you to fact check this for another example): 0 SUBSTITUTIONS FOR OVER 15 MINUTES OF PLAY! That can't be a huge confidence boost to Chase Jeter, the 6'10 McDonalds All-American, who watches K play the same 5 dudes play [completely gassed] over him...
Mitch Harrison
we haven't subbed since the 7:43 mark fyi
single digit loss is a miracle at this point
a win would be top 3 degree of difficulty win in the history of this rivalry
and I don't think that's a bold statement
9:40 P.M: A little more commentary on our pal Derryck Thornton... Another episode of his tomfoolery leads to UNC's largest lead of the game late in the second half
Matt Cox
derryck go home
Mitch Harrison
derryck is toast
won't make another jumper
mentally gone
Matt Cox
f*** off derryck
Mitch Harrison
derryck is clueless
f***ing clueless
we have 3 offensive studs and he's iso'ing vs 3 guys
Matt Cox
can someone yell at that child
i keep forgetting he's 17, but half way in to the year in a game of this magnitude... its inexcusable
9:50: Brandon Ingram officially arrives at the Dean Dome almost two hours late for tip-off... But oh does he ever arrive...
Matt Cox
f*** yes B
Mitch Harrison
TAKE THE F*** OVER
Matt Cox
im now hype
am i being teased?
Mitch Harrison
this team man.
Matt Cox
absurdly likeable
and becoming more likeable by the possession
Mitch Harrison
I dare them to let us have a lead
watch them get tight as hell
Mitch Harrison
is it possible to just relax and be content with this showing?
Matt Cox
no it isnt
Mitch Harrison
are we physically capable of that?
Matt Cox
not at this point
Mitch Harrison
damn it I didn't think so
Matt Cox
were about to have ball with chance to tie ... im chuckling...
Mitch Harrison
tight buttholes in white
9:59: Those buttholes just kept getting tighter... After two Grayson Allen throws with a minute to play, the Devils claimed their first second half lead ...
Mitch Harrison
ONE F***ING STOP
WE'LL HIT THROWS
Matt Cox
TWO****
im standing
PROTECT!!!
omg one bucket
Mitch Harrison
standingg
Matt Cox
f***
awful
f***
f***
wait we're fineeeeeeeee
I think?
no TO ROY?!??!
no TO?!?!?!
roy?!?!?!
HAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHA'
F*** YES
Mitch Harrison
literal shock
i'm shaking
Matt Cox
i just let out a few courtesy yells in my room mirror
look at B
Mitch Harrison
what just happened
Matt Cox
hahahah
holy hell this awesome
Mitch Harrison
I need historical perspective
Matt Cox
austin rivers 2012?
this may be better
Mitch Harrison
like degree of difficulty higher than anything I think I've seen in my life of this rivalry
Matt Cox
we played with 4 players
derryck didnt even qualify as a half a player
Mitch Harrison
who got that stop at the end by the way
but otherwise yes
Matt Cox
no clue he did that
i blacked out
10:10 P.M: Seth Greenberg on the post game show defends Roy Williams for not calling timeout...
Mitch Harrison
of course you disagree with the TO need Seth you were an awful coach
can we raise Duke funds to give Roy a lifetime extension?
Stay tuned for the round 2 transcript on the rematch in Cameron ... It should be equally biased as this dialogue ...